i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
