if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
