Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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