I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
