so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
