Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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