I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Welp...herpes.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
