Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize