is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
