I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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