I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
