You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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