OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
