Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
