there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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