You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she told me i tasted like america
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
