I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
