why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
