I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
this is an emotional support booty call
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
