I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
