don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
