I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
