Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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