How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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