I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
