We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
