Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
