finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
