There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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