I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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