guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
