Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
