Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
