Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What drink are we having for lunch?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
