Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
