why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
