Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
