Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
