Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize