all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
