You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
