I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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