Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
