If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
