I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
