you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
where are my eyebrows?
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