it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
