After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
