giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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