So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
