i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
