i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
