I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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