Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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