Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
