very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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