Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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