um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He passed out mid-signature
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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