I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
