I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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