so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
