Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
