Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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