I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize