Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
