i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
