dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
