I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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