There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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