I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
