Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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