i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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