I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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