she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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