i may or may not be watching the land before time
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
