I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
