I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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