C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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