Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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